The hardest feelings to process for a couple are emotions after getting cheated on by their partner. It is tough to accept such news and can leave you wanting answers that don’t yet exist. However, most marriages try to recover from infidelity with therapy and open communication.
It can be hard at first to work together to resolve your relationship of unresolved and undiscussed thoughts. However, with the help of the right guidance, you can save your marriage and regain trust after cheating.
To address how you can recover from infidelity issues, there needs to be a discussion on whether it’s even possible.
Can Your Marriage Survive After Infidelity and Cheating?
According to research, only about 15.6% of relationships survive infidelity without marriage or couples therapy. The numbers speak a different story than what you might’ve personally seen and heard. Many marriages not only survive but also thrive after infidelity and cheating.
Infidelity is breaking a mutual agreement, respect, and boundary. It requires a serious conversation with a professional to understand deeply whether trust is a ground you want to repair and rebuild.
Dr. Sophia Brandstetter, LCSW, PSY highlights her experience in working with couples facing infidelity issues:
“Infidelity is not just a rupture in trust, it is a rupture in a shared reality, and that’s often what makes it feel so destabilizing. What I see in my work is that healing isn’t about returning to what the relationship was, but deciding whether something new can be built with full awareness of what has been broken.
The couples who move forward are not the ones who avoid the pain, but the ones who are willing to stay in it long enough to understand it. Repair is possible, but it requires both people to shift from protecting themselves to becoming deeply accountable to the relationship.”
Some signs may also encourage you to save your marriage, like:
- Remorse and intense regret for what they’ve done
- Still having strong feelings of attachment and love
- The affair has completely ended with no relational connection
- Both you and your partner want to work together through this time
Cheating is complex. The mix of needs not being communicated properly, unmet expectations, and sudden emotional distance can create an invisible gap. This is the core that needs to be addressed properly.
How To Fix Your Marriage with Couples Therapy?
Therapy is a very personal journey for couples and can help them open up and start a conversation. While initially many couples are clueless on how to begin their discussions, over time, a good couples therapist will guide you on how to recover from this.
There are many models and stages of recovering from an affair. However, 2 of the most well-known ones are:
- The Gottman Trust Revival Method: 3 Stages
- The 7 Rs of Affair Recovery: 7 Stages
We’ll talk about the Gottman method, which is scientifically backed and often preferred by therapists for coping with cheating partners.
This method was specifically developed for individuals and couples suffering from
and infidelity issues.
(Note: Relational trauma is the psychological harm a person faces due to neglect or abuse from their important relationships.)
Following the Gottman Method, which focuses on the three main principles of Atone, Attune, and Attach, a therapist may help you rebuild trust and start a new chapter with your partner.
Stage 1: Atone
Just like the name, this stage demands a lot of emotional and honest transparency on both the betrayer and the betrayed. Both partners of the relationship are encouraged to engage into dialouge while the betrayer is always pushed to accept at ground zero about what they have done.
The pain that is addressed is not just about getting caught but also about causing deep emotional and psychological pain. The betrayed may suffer from PTSD symptoms and may be sensitive to such a conversation. Hence, your therapist will mostly guide you and your partner to converse without creating further triggers.
(Very important: Couples are suggested not to carry the atonement conversation home. It is only supposed to be addressed in therapy sessions with your couples therapist.)
Stage 2: Attune
This stage brings in new development. Rather than you focusing on accepting and talking about “why it happened” and “why me”, you shift your focus to “us”. Especially the partner who has cheated is expected to prioritize their relationship and start reinforcing the same among their trust circle.
The therapist supports the couple by teaching them how to catch defensive patterns in real time, reframe conversations, and model what genuine empathetic listening sounds like in practice. The couple is also given practical tools to start sharing activities and slowly start spending more time together to create new memories.
Stage 3: Attach
This is the final and most intimate stage of the process. Couples address physical attraction, sex, and overall attachment with open conversation and personal discussions. Sex is the first trust factor affected after infidelity. Hence, the Gottman method suggests daily or regular conversations about intimacy.
This is so the partners can rediscover and maybe newly discover each other’s attitudes, feelings, and preferences in terms of sex. The therapist plays a role of reinforcement here and actually helps the couple to stick to putting effort towards commitment to honesty, teamwork, and making the marriage a top priority.
How Long Will You Need Couples Therapy to Save Your Marriage?
Thinking about how long you will need to go to therapy before things between you and your partner return to the way they were is normal. But according to our personal observations at Growth Thru Change, it can take anywhere from 1 year to 2 years in couples therapy to resolve your relational trauma tied to infidelity.
A study in Sage Journals suggests how self-healing couples saw meaningful change in 50 months or 4 years after the infidelity was discovered. This is without professional help and purely how dedicatedly the couple has worked toward coming and being together.
You can estimate half that time for recovering from infidelity in therapy as a couples therapist focuses on deep-rooted resolution.
Other Than Therapy, What Can You Try To Recover from Cheating?
If you are already in couples therapy in Philadelphia and still want more, these ways can help support your overall healing journey from infidelity:
1. Peer Support Groups
It is considered one of the most underused resources. Therapy provides in-depth support; however, peer support groups provide relatability and acceptance through others’ lived experiences. It is a safe space to connect, discuss, cry, and even create new friends for further support. If you are looking for groups, here are some recommendations:
2. Therapist-Recommended Books and Workbooks
Your therapist can recommend great books and workbooks for managing your feelings of infidelity. These books can be a great way to address unprocessed feelings and make sure that you can put them into place. Some book suggestions:
- Getting Past the Affair by Douglas K. Snyder, Kristina Coop Gordon, and Donald H. Baucom
- Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples by Dr. Monique Thompson
- Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass
- What Makes Love Last? by Dr. John Gottman
- Surviving Infidelity by Rona B. Subotnik
3. Intensive Couple Retreats
Couple retreats are a newer concept and demand physically travelling to a new location to take a break and discuss the infidelity problem. A lot of couples prefer to go on intensives if they can afford to do so, as it can cost $3700 per person. It is compatible for both individual and couple healing.
4. Structured Online Courses and Programs
If you cannot access a specialized couples therapist with expertise in handling infidelity cases, finding a provider online is your best bet. You may not know about such a therapist; hence, you can contact us at Growth Thru Change to explore a suitable couples therapist.
“If I Have Cheated, What Can I Do To Make Things Better”?
Finding out where to even begin can feel overwhelming. Before you step into a therapist’s office, there are a few honest, grounded steps you can take on your own.
- Stop the affair completely. There is no path forward if the betrayal is still ongoing. This is non-negotiable.
- Do not minimize what happened. Avoid phrases like “it meant nothing” or “you’re overreacting.” Your partner’s pain is real, and it deserves to be acknowledged without conditions.
- Give them space, but stay present. Your partner may pull away, and that is their right. Do not pressure them into conversations they are not ready for. Let them lead the pace.
- Be honest when asked. If your partner asks questions, answer them with care and truth. Partial honesty at this stage only deepens the wound later.
- Acknowledge the damage out loud. Say it clearly, without deflecting. “I hurt you, and I take responsibility for that.”
These steps will not fix everything, but they signal that you are willing to do the hard work that healing genuinely requires.
“If I Have Been Cheated On Emotionally & Physically, What Do I Do”?
Discovering that you have been betrayed, in both heart and body, can shatter your sense of reality. Before therapy begins, here is what you can do to take care of yourself first.
- Allow yourself to feel it all. Rage, grief, numbness, confusion, none of it is wrong. Do not rush yourself into being “okay.” Healing does not follow a schedule.
- Do not make permanent decisions in acute pain. Whether it is about the relationship or your life in general, give yourself time before making choices you cannot take back.
- Reach out to someone you trust. A close friend or family member who can hold space for you without judgment can make an enormous difference in these early days.
- Set boundaries that feel safe for you. If sharing a space feels unbearable, it is okay to ask for physical or emotional distance. Your comfort is not a demand; it is a necessity.
- Write it down. Journaling your thoughts, even if they are messy and raw, helps process emotions that feel too heavy to say out loud.
You do not have to have it together right now. These steps simply help you stay grounded while you find your footing again.
When Both of You Are Ready to Heal Together
There comes a point where the individual pain of each partner must meet in the middle. Not to cancel each other out, but to acknowledge that what was broken belonged to both of you, and so does the decision to rebuild.
Choosing to heal together is not the same as choosing to forget. It means agreeing that the relationship deserves a fair and honest chance, even when that feels frightening or uncertain.
This does not require you to have forgiveness ready, or even hope. It simply requires a quiet, mutual willingness to show up for therapy, for the process, and for each other, one session at a time.
What matters most at this stage is not how confident you feel, but how committed you are to finding out what is still possible between you.
Some days that commitment will feel strong. Other days, it will feel like the smallest, most fragile thing you are holding. Both are part of the process, and both are enough to keep going.
Closing Thoughts
Trusting each other after infidelity can be hard. For some, it can be nearly impossible. Being hurt, not having closure, and self-blame might try to keep you from getting together with your partner to work it out.
However, this shouldn’t be the end. If you have observed your partner showing real remorse, putting in efforts to make things right, and working on your relationship deeply, maybe they do deserve a chance.Your marriage is sacred and warrants the right support in tough times.
We at Growth Thru Change help couples seek professional couples therapy that helps them heal together deeply.
If this has been your goal this year, let us be your partner in healing and growth. Reach out to us!
FAQs On Recovering from Infidelity
Q. Can you repair a relationship after cheating?
Yes, though it is not easy and it is not quick. Recovering from infidelity requires radical honesty, consistent effort, and professional support. Many couples not only repair their relationship but also build something more conscious and resilient than what existed before the betrayal.
Q. What is the 80/20 rule in infidelity?
The 80/20 rule suggests that a cheating partner often leaves 80% of a good relationship chasing the 20% they feel is missing. What feels exciting in an affair is rarely a reflection of reality, it is simply the absence of responsibility, history, and depth.
Q. How long does it take to get over betrayal in a relationship?
Infidelity recovery in therapy typically takes one to two years of consistent couples work. Without professional help, research suggests it can take up to four years. There is no fixed timeline, healing depends on the depth of commitment both partners bring to the process.
Q. Is it possible to overcome infidelity?
It is. With marriage counseling for infidelity, many couples work through the trauma, rebuild their emotional foundation, and rediscover genuine intimacy. What makes the difference is not the severity of the betrayal, but the willingness of both partners to face it with honesty and courage.
Q. How to find a couples counselor specializing in infidelity recovery?
Look for therapists trained in evidence-based models like the Gottman Method or EFT, as these are specifically effective for relational trauma. Ask directly about their experience with infidelity cases. You can also reach out to us at Growth Thru Change for a suitable referral.
