When we read the word “abuse” or “injury,” our minds automatically go to what it might’ve looked like physically. But it’s once in a while when people think about how it might’ve felt like. Among all forms of abuse, emotional and psychological abuse seems intense.
Many people who endure types of emotional abuse don’t even know what they are or how they control them. This is because emotions are very hard to decipher, especially when they take the form of abuse.
In this article, we will spread awareness about the 7 types of emotional abuse that are hard to recognize. As you read on, notice if any of these patterns appear familiar in your own experience or relationships. People who are in damaging or controlling relationships may see some of the emotional bullying we mention. If you or your loved one needs help, please consider contacting therapists at Growth thru Change.
1. Gaslighting
It is a form of psychological manipulation. Think of it as your partner or significant other constantly trying to make you doubt your truths. In the past few years, gaslighting has become so known that some couples prank each other by manipulating the facts.
However, in reality, it is a very toxic form of emotional abuse. Imagine someone continuously saying things like “I never said that”, “You might’ve remembered it wrong”, or a classic “I’m not gaslighting you, you have misunderstood what I had said”.
These instances will drive you insane to a point where you only believe your partner or significant other and no one else in your life (not even friends or family). If you don’t know if your partner might be gaslighting you, at least follow these tips:
- Keep track of conversations for later comparison
- If you are sure you did something and are being denied, call them out
- Always check yourself internally about how you feel after conversations
- Notice if they are presenting this behavior alongside control
2. Withholding Affection
Affection usually sets the base for a relationship. Sometimes, partners can become quite conditional with it, for instance, telling you that you will get a hug only after you bring them something from the store. Well, on the face of it, it means nothing if this is done as a joke occasionally.
However, some people intentionally withdraw affection to instate a type of emotional abuse. They basically want to control the other person and “reward” them when they do something good (which the abuser thinks is good).
There are things like love language that also affect affection. However, if you have verbally communicated the need for touch, intimacy, and emotional warmth and still feel nowhere, you might need to reconsider staying in the relationship with the person. Ask yourself: Am I happy with the affection I have right now?
3. Passive-Aggressive Behavior
If you’ve heard things like:
- “Wow, you actually did that all by yourself?”
- “I didn’t realize you were the expert here.”
- “Whatever makes you happy, I suppose.”
- “I was just kidding… you know, lighten up.”
You’ve definitely been a part of emotional abuse that is invisible. You might’ve known or even identified passive-aggressive behavior, but not have done anything about it. This type of emotional manipulation might be the most dangerous on our list.
People who get abused with indirect passive-aggressive behavior become quite defensive and sensitive individuals. Their partners or significant others always feel jealous or annoyed with them in somewhat manner and take it out in a hidden, aggressive manner.
Even worse? The fact that passive aggressiveness turns into a pattern of giving backhanded compliments, sarcasm, unclear communication, and the silent treatment. You might also develop this as a habit, so always keep yourself in check.
4. Public Humiliation
If you call your partner a “jokester” because of how much they publicly insult you, then you have been enduring abuse. Public humiliation is a sneaky form of emotional abuse where your other half may get a kick out of publicly diminishing your identity and then label it as “just joking” or “playful teasing.”
The setting in this scenario matters a lot, as your partner may not practice such a behavior in private, where only you and they share the space. They may exhibit this behavior only when you guys are in a gathering or even in a public space.
What can be considered a major red flag is if you have already communicated how you feel about such belittling and still have to face the same. Also, make sure you reach out to a family member, friend, or even a therapist if you are being told that you are “overreacting”.
5. Emotional Withholding
If your partner and you share a relationship that’s very emotional, and suddenly there is a drop in any form of sharing, abuse might be just beginning. Many individuals try to “punish” their partners by withholding emotionally.
It’s like inculcating ignorance of emotions and needs to such a degree that people feel choked by their partners. Sometimes, such a type of emotional bullying is done for control, and other times it may be done purely to measure the effect of abuse.
At first, you may feel like the other person may just need space and some quality time for themselves. But if this persists for a longer time, it indicates that the person may not be emotionally invested in you or the relationship to begin with.
Some signs that can help you recognize emotional withholding are:
- Rarely shares feelings or thoughts
- Avoids deep or meaningful conversations
- Minimal affection or emotional warmth
- Withdraws during conflicts or disagreements
- Ignores your emotional needs consistently
- Leaves you feeling lonely, disconnected
- Responds dismissively when you express feelings
6. Isolation
Most people who come across problems with isolation in relationships think it is overt. However, before physically abandoning you in particular ways, your partner or significant other may abandon you emotionally and psychologically.
The first pattern you will always notice is the limited interaction that they will enforce upon you. Partners who are controlling and are too possessive about the other person start directing how they shouldn’t talk to a lot of people (even to parents, lifelong friends, or relatives).
The next part is to check their phones to make sure they aren’t talking to others or telling them what’s going on in the relationship. This makes them the only option left for discussing emotional matters and for being a source of support.
You will also hear things like “They don’t really care about you” or “You’ll be better off without them” about other people, so you get more and more isolated. This abuse runs deep, and sometimes you may start justifying it as “they are very protective of me” or “I anyway did not like interacting with so and so, they just made it easier to cut them off”. This is a sign that the abuse has taken control over you.
7. Manipulative Guilt
Guilty means to feel completely disappointed by your own actions of wrongdoing. However, what should you do when guilt gets manipulated against you? In a relationship, when the other partner takes advantage of the person for emotional gain, it can often feel unfair and quite disturbing.
Manipulating guilt may start to show in patterns of “You make me so sad” or “I wouldn’t feel this way if you cared more”, even when the same person is responsible for his/her own emotions. The main objective is again to gain control over the person’s life and choices completely.
Some abusers actually bring up things from the past to make you, the sufferer, comply or apologize for things not in your control. This type of mental abuse may never let you recover from situations where you try to communicate but get shut down with “punishment”.
Conclusion
Emotional abuse is more complicated than people may have thought. It is not only dangerous for your mental health, but it can sometimes make you feel down or unworthy of love or affection.
Among the 48% of people in romantic relationships who experience some form of emotional abuse during their lifetime, there are only a few who can even get help. The control is too much, and sometimes it can turn to physical violence as well.
That’s why we at Growth thru Change provide help for all types of emotional abuse. We help people grow and identify patterns of emotional abuse to seek out healthier relationships. If you want to do the same or want to help someone else, connect with us here.
